‘We deserve to experience love fully, equally, without shame and without compromise‘
– Elliot Page

‘I feel so embarrassed when people see me with my daughter now.‘ ’I still have hope that she will change her mind and that this is only a phase.’ These are original quotes from parents I have met whose daughters were born in the wrong body. Whose daughters identify as male, who now dress and wear their hair like boys, and whose friends call them by their new chosen male names. The parents on the other hand seem to have huge difficulties accepting their child’s real identity. What does this mean for the child? How must it make the child feel? Perhaps like a disappointment, like someone who does not deserve to be loved? Coming out as lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender and openly live their real identity is such a brave thing and something every parent should praise, be proud and supportive of. It makes me sad to see that these brave children experience negative emotions from their parents, when what they really deserve is unconditional love and support in their journey to becoming who they really are.

It is not surprising that LGBTIQA+ people often feel out of place. And although a lot has changed over the past decade or so, there is still so much heartship going on. We see places where societies are not wholly inclusive or in the worst cases not inclusive at all. Luckily in lots of societies the subject of LGBTIQA+ people is now more prominent in the media and film (The Netflix series ‘Heartstopper’ is a good representation of LGBTIQ+ youth, as well as SKAM Norway, season 3 – please watch it, and have everyone around you watch it too).

It is important to remember that feeling different is not inherently negative. Many LGBTIQA+ individuals find strength and pride in their identities, forming supportive communities and celebrating their uniqueness. And this is exactly what you should do! And you should tell the world about why and how you feel different. Start by sharing your story here on different-stories.

Reasons that can cause LGBTIQA+ individuals to feel different:

Social norms and heteronormativity: Many societies have historically adhered to heteronormative ideals, where heterosexuality and traditional gender roles are considered the norm. LGBTIQA+ individuals may feel out of place because their identities and attractions deviate from these norms.

Internal struggle and self-acceptance: Discovering one’s sexual orientation or gender identity that does not align with societal expectations can lead to internal struggles. This process of self-discovery and self-acceptance can result in a feeling of isolation.

Peer and family reactions: As mentioned above, the reactions of peers and family members can greatly influence how LGBTIQA+ individuals perceive themselves. Rejection, lack of understanding, or even discrimination from loved ones can lead to self doubt and isolation.

Discrimination and bullying: LGBTIQA+ individuals are more likely to experience bullying, discrimination, and harassment. Experiences with discrimination and stigmatisation can lead to a higher likelihood of emotional distress, depression, eating disorders and other mental health issues. 

Cultural and religious factors: Cultural or religious beliefs that are not accepting of LGBTQ+ identities can contribute to feelings of isolation.

(source: Mental Health Foundation)

Mental health issues

Being LGBTIQA+ doesn’t automatically mean someone will have mental health issues but may mean they’re at higher risk of experiencing poor mental health.

A study by Stonewall found that over the previous year:

• half of LGBTIQA+ people had experienced depression, and three in five had experienced anxiety
• one in eight LGBTIQA+ people aged 18 to 24 had attempted to end their life
• almost half of trans people had thought about taking their life

Hate crime

‘Hate crimes’ are crimes committed against people because of their race, sexuality, religion, gender identity or disability. Members of the LGBTIQA+ community are at a greater risk of experiencing hate crimes compared to heterosexual people. Certain LGBTIQA+ groups are at particular risk, including gay men, young people and those who are from Black, Asian and ethnic minority groups.

If you have experienced a hate crime, please contact your local police force.

What can you do if you are worried about my mental health?

If you’re worried about your mental health, it may help to look at the Mental Health Foundation’s 10 practical ways to look after your mental health.

If you feel suicidal, look at the ‘help and support’ section on their page about suicide. There are details of helplines you can contact for support.

There are support organisations for LGBTIQA+ people too. They may be a good place to start if you need help:

• Albert Kennedy Trust – supports young LGBTIQA+ people aged 16 to 25.
• Gendered Intelligence – a trans-led charity that works to increase the quality of trans people’s lives, especially those under the age of 25.
• Imaan – supports LGBTIQA+ Muslims and provides an online forum where people can share experiences and ask for help.
• LGBT Consortium – search their database of LGBTIQA+ groups, projects and organisations to find services near you, including mental health services.
• Stonewall – offers help and advice for LGBTIQA+ people and their allies.
• Switchboard LGBT helpline – offers information and support. All their volunteers are LGBTIQ+.
• Mind – a list of organisations offering mental health support for LGBTIQA+ people.