“People don’t fake depression. They fake being okay. Be Kind.”
– Abhysheq Shukla, Feelings Undefined: The Charm of the Unsaid Vol. 1

‚How are you?‘ This is a question we hear all the time – at work, at social gatherings, in shops. And usually we say ‚I am fine, thanks‘. It is short and simple. But do we actually feel fine when we say that? Most people do not. Of course it depends who is asking that question and whether we want that person to know how you really feel. But even with friends and family most of the time we pretend to be fine if we are really not. The answer is so tempting because it kills two birds with one stone: we do not put our counterpart in an uncomfortable situation where they do not know how to react, and we try to convince ourselves that we are doing well. But what if you are anxious, depressed or overwhelmed? What if you are stuck mentally? Or traumatised?

Pretending everything is fine may seem easier than admitting that we are not perfect and that our life is not perfect either. And it may stop us from facing our true feelings and problems, which is a totally normal human thing to do. We might be scared of feeling ashamed, guilty or judged if others knew the truth.

Pretending to be okay is something most of us learn during childhood. Early on we learn to put on the ‚I am fine‘ mask to protect ourselves from painful feelings. Behind the mask we are seemingly safe. This may be due to the fact the we grew up in a place where showing our emotions was perceived as being weak. Perhaps we were told to stop crying, or nobody paid attention.

Sharing our feelings, the state of our mental health and the story behind it is important on the way to accept ourselves and for others to know who we really are. It can be a cathartic experience and a huge mental relief. It also shows others that they are not alone. There are many others out there who can relate to our journeys, we just have to let them know. 

Living with mental health issues makes us feel different from seemingly normal people around us. And perhaps we do not want anyone to know that we do not blend in easily. But it is important to remember that mental health matters!